McMalfoy's
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Harry (and his co-worker, Draco) double as an employee for both McMalfoy's & MalfoyMart, naturally they get a lot of weirdos like Bellatrix and her general personality, Umbridge the extreme couponer, Molly Weasley and her screeching kids, and more.


**AN: A little back story here.** **So awhile back things were really slow at work so I may or may not have written a fic (on receipt paper of all things) to vent about work. Now I may not work in food, but this made me feel better about my job. I use humor to cope and I feel a lot better about things if I can laugh at them. So this fic is basically gonna be based on events from my own work place with some made up scenarios and maybe (if this fic gets enough attention) other people's stories.**

 **In other words this is literally just for fun, nothing serious at all.**

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Once upon a time there was a kid named Harry Potter. He worked at McMalfoy's part time. He promised himself that it was only temporary, he would keep the job until he had just enough to go to Merlin's Music Magic festival that summer with Ron and Hermione. It was pricey, but all of the sickest wizard rock artists were going to be there. So McMalfoy's would do. It was okay mostly, but his coworker Draco was kind of a jackass. Of course Draco was the boss' son so he never got in trouble for licking the French fries of muggle born customers. Or for hitting on hot babes when he was supposed to be flipping burgers.

"Babes before burgers, Potter." He'd say assholishly. And since he was the boss' son Harry would take the fall for the low productivity and the growing stream of customers.

What made it worse was that McMalfoy's was ran out of the Malfoy Manor so sometimes he'd get lost on the way to the kitchen and find some muggle corpses or run into Voldemort combing his lack of hair after getting out of the shower on a fine Saturday afternoon. But worst of all were the rude customers.

Bellatrix was a regular, and she always had something to bitch about. One time she tried to use a Hagrid's Hamburger Hut coupon at McMalfoy's. He remembered the day quiet vividly, being as it was the first experience he had ever had with a customer like her.

His Wednesday started out decently normal, with Draco adjusting his uniform hat, pretending that he could make it work. Literally no one could ever pull off a McMalfoy's bucket had not even Cho Chang. Not even Flure Delacour. But hey, Harry had to give him props for effort. Of course, it was Draco's turn to wipe down tables, but Crabbe and Goyle decided to drop in at that time. Harry found it funny how the pair always showed up when Draco was supposed to be wiping tables. Grumbling to himself, Harry picked up a handful of paper towels and a spray bottle. He wouldn't get reprimanded for Draco's laziness this time! He was running on auto-pilot scrubbing robotically as he waited for the lunch rush. He came to the table in the back corner, his 'favorite' to clean. He began referring to that spot as the artists' corner. That day's mural was a classic. A nice big ol' depiction of someone's junk, captioned ' _Big D_ '. Harry would know it anywhere, he'd caught Dudley drawing it on menus at various high-end restaurants, and even once at a playground. Harry assumed he'd be free of it at McMalfoy's but apparently the Malfoy's were willing to serve anyone who had bucks to throw at them. So Harry found himself scrubbing at Big D, resenting Dudley for using a glittery gold sharpie this time. Within five minutes, Big D was very nearly gone.

It was at about that time when Lestrange kicked in the door—literally lifted her leg and slammed it against the door despite having two perfectly functioning arms. Her hair was disheveled with her comb still stuck in it. He sometimes liked to replay that moment in slow motion with a freeze frame on the part where she practically toppled to the floor. Upon successfully entering the establishment, Bellatrix balled her fists and scanned the place as if scoping out an employee to fight. Rodolphus sulked behind, silently begging her to, maybe, not do that.

As was the script Harry gulped and greeted, "welcome to McMalfoy's how can we McMake your meal?"

"Two apple pies and McMalfoy's flurry. Rod wants a burger." Bellatrix replied, leaving Harry to mutter, "thanks for asking Bella, I'm doing great."

Instead he spoke, "Please let me get to the register so I can..."

Bellatrix gave a dramatic huff. "Do you _need_ to? _Can't_ you just take my order?"

"Well I have to be able to enter your order into the register so…"

"Just hurry up, I have places to be." Bellatrix scoffed.

Harry made his way behind the counter, to his luck Draco took this as his cue to follow and ready the stoves. "Okay, what can I McMake you?

"I already told you. I want two apple pies and a McMalfoy's flurry. With extra chocolate chips. And Rod wants a burger."

"Actually I wanted a chicken sandwich." He squeaked.

"He will have the burger." Bella stated firmly. "Also get me a chocolate frog to go with that."

The feeling of dread that crept into his soul was overpowering as he carefully replied, "we don't sell those here."

"Don't. Sell. Those? Here?" She shrieked. "What do you mean you don't sell those here!?"

"We only see those on Mondays when we are MalfoyMart. We're McMalfoy's at the moment, mam." Harry explained. Frankly he thought it was very ridiculous for the Malfoy's to double as a restaurant on some days and then become a popular grocery store on other days. But hey, if magic can do it then it would be done. Such was the way of the Malfoy.

Bellatrix squinted menacingly at him. "Draco's father will hear about this."

Harry stole a glance back to see the boy mentioned, blushing at how he had just been mocked. If Bellatrix hadn't continued to be a complete and insufferable pain in the rear, that might have made up for her prior remarks. But no, reformed (and he used that word oh so loosely) or not, Bella was still Bella. If she couldn't cause people physical agony she would settle for mental torment and the opportunity to be annoying enough to give someone a brain aneurysm.

Harry held his smile. "I'm sorry about that. Would you still like the rest of your order?"

"Sweet Lord Voldemort below! You have the brains of a house elf, of course I want the rest of it!" Bellatrix chided as Rodophus pretended to be very interested in the cheap toys that came with the kid's meals.

"Hey Bella look at that one." He pointed at a plastic wand that looked like Lucius' cane.

Bella ignored him. "Also here, it says I get five knuts off."

"Bellatrix, you must have grabbed the wrong one, this is for Hagrid's Hamburger Hut." Harry fought to keep his smile good and wide.

"Not it isn't" She insisted.

Harry couldn't stop his eye from twitching. "Would you like to take a look, Madame Lestrange?" He hoped against all hope, that the use of the formal title would stroke her ego just enough to get her to calm down at least a little.

She turned the coupon over in her hand, inspecting it way too closely. Once, then twice, and then a third time as if doing so would change what it read. "Hmmm." She hummed before turning it a fourth time. Harry wanted to bang his head against the counter. And in that demented sing songy voice he had become accustomed to she asked, "Well can you use it anyways?"

Harry blinked twice. "It's for Hagrid's Hamburger Hut."

"But if you use it, it can be for McMalfoys?" She seemed genuinely confused.

"I'm sorry, Madame Lestrange, our registers can't take coupons that aren't ours."

He expected another one of her frenzied explosions. The ones that typically led to the police being called. She surprised him though, in calmly taking the coupon back with an, "oh, okay, just let me see it." She turned her back on him, there was a flash of purple light. "Here you go, that'll be five knuts off of my meal."

In her palm lie a clearly counterfeit McMalfoy's coupon. "Bella, I just saw you use magic."

"Wh-what, me? Use magic? To get my way? I would never." She sputtered with false shock.

"Hey dear?" Rodolpus tried. "I'm very hungry, it's only five knuts and we're one of the richest wizarding families, can we please just order our meal?"

"Can we _just_ …pfft…order our meal." Bellatrix snorted. "No, we can't just 'order our meal.' We're getting five knuts off, I have a coupon."

"Yes, you have _a_ coupon, it's the wrong coupon." Draco grumbled to his aunt. And to Harry he muttered, "this changes nothing, Potter, we simply have a common enemy right now."

"Alright fine, how's this?" Bella bargained. "No coupon but I get a toy."

"From the kiddie meal?" Harry asked.

Bellatrix's eyes narrowed, clearly she was getting serious. "From the kiddie meal." She confirmed.

Harry sighed, he didn't want to do this. "Just a moment, let me ask my manager."

Bellatrix clicked her tongue and drummed her fingers impatiently on the counter until Malfoy's majestic mane could be seen swooshing around the corner. With all of the regality a pureblood ought to have, Lucius came to stand behind the counter. "Yes, Potter?"

Before Harry could open his mouth to explain the situation Bellatrix spoke up. "You're employee is not being cooperative."

Harry's jaw dropped at the sheer audacity of the woman.

"He won't take my coupon that I saved specifically for this moment."

"It's for Hagrid's Hamburger Hut." Harry put in quickly. "So I offered…well she offered to take a kid's meal toy instead."

"Just let her use the coupon."

"Wha-what?" Harry sputtered.

Lucius took the coupon from Bella and finished processing your order. "That will be seven knuts and with the coupon…two knuts."

Harry knew at that moment he was in for a long few months. It was about four days now, since the incident, but he was still shaken. It haunted him on his lunch breaks, as he pondered whether or not she used a McMalfoy's coupon at Hagrid's Hamburger Hut. He took a bite of his PB&J sandwich and gazed at the restaurant mansion. Bellatrix was skipping up the walkway and he only had five minutes left of his five minutes left of his break./p


End file.
